Clock Change

 

In the early hours of this morning, Sunday the 26th of October, all clocks in Britain will be wound back one hour. 01:59:59 will be followed by 01:00:00, not 02:00:00 as it normally does. This is common practice across much of the world, mostly in countries lying in the temperate or polar zones of the planet. Its purpose is to make the evenings as long and bright as possible. This has always caused a few problems for many people, especially in the NHS. As a twenty-four-seven operation we are working during the moment of this change which means service people on nightshift tonight will have to work an extra hour. The portering nightshift is 10 PM to 6 AM which is eight hours; but tonight we'll be working nine. We will not get paid for that extra hour. Unions have been trying for years to remedy that discrepancy, but management reply with: "Well in spring when the clock goes forward you work seven hours and get paid for eight so it's as broad as it's long." However there's no guarantee the same porters will be on nightshift on both occasions. We also have to be careful with log records during that extra hour, making sure to add the labels to every time stamp: (BST) for British Summer Time and (GMT) for Greenwich Mean Time. As for the early shift, that always relieves the nightshift at 6 AM regardless... or it should. When the clocks go forward in spring many members of the early shift will turn up at 7 AM and say: "Did the clocks go forward? Damn! I forgot about that." Are they just saying that as an excuse to turn up late? Probably. How do I know? Because I can bet that not a single porter will forget about the clocks going back tomorrow morning and turn up an hour early.

"It's Necessary"

 

As I've said many times that only a small proportion of people are true psychopaths; six percent is a common estimate. However, there is another category of people which I call "pseudopsychopaths" and there are many more of them. In fact I think probably the majority of people in society exhibit pseudopsychopathic behaviour to a greater or lesser degree. How can we tell the difference between the two? I've found that one major distinction is that pseudopsychos will try to justify their actions to themselves with moral excuses. A true psycho will not. The real McCoy has no conscience and so won't care. Whenever I complained about my treatment by civilians at the hospital, including "Sharon", see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2024/01/how-dare-you.html and "Stacey", see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2024/01/well-take-it-from-here.html, sometimes I would get an answer along the lines of: "This behaviour may seem nasty and demeaning to you, but it is necessary. The modern NHS cannot function without a highly organized and disciplined workforce in which everybody knows their place and behaves accordingly. It's nothing personal, Ben; it's just people reminding you of this necessity." It's an attitude illustrated well in two movie clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RZmWH-Fcws and: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpoR10Zh0ig. This explanation has never rung true for me. Firstly, I've always "known my place"; and, as I've said many times, I'm very proud of my place and wouldn't want to be in another one. Also, I'm completely aware of the need for discipline and organization. We all have a duty to perform and an obligation to do it. In fact I was one of the first to raise the alarm about declining levels of discipline, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2016/12/nurse-sacked-for-praying.html. However, I believe a service base that is well trained, cared for, happy and treated well will develop internal self-discipline. In my experience, the ward sister who treated her nurses kindly got much more work out of them than the evil bitches who just shouted and criticized. And in my own profession, the head porter who was bullish and detached bred resentment among the crew. This encouraged us to move in a slovenly manner, cut corners and swing the lead as much as possible. The porters would feel less energetic and inspired. Could it be that the reason this idea has become so popular is because it provides a false justification, a convenient smokescreen? These people just want to treat other people badly. They enjoy being horrible to others; it's as simple as that. The idea that "it's necessary" appeals to them because it satisfies whatever remains of their conscience after they've desperately tried to suppress it.
See here for more information: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2023/12/hps-and-psychos.html.
And: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2015/12/nhs-nurses-destroy-patients-doll.html.

"It's our Job"

 

The 2003 film Boudica- Warrior Queen is one I can't watch too often because it will give me one of my legendary "Boudica moments"; and I can't keep having those. It's worth seeing though, even if you only do so once. It's a very good dramatization of one of the most significant events in history, one that changed the entire course of Britain's future, or even maybe that of the whole world. The reasons why I think this are complicated, but they're all in the background link below. One of the best aspects of the film is Michael Feast's performance as the Roman general Gaius Suetonius Paulinus. Not very much is known about Suetonius outside of the facts reported by the historian Tacitus, that he led the military response to Boudica's rebellion; but in the movie he is given a very interesting personality. He does his duty for Rome like any other good legionary, but privately he is filled with guilt, self-doubt and sympathy for his enemy. There's a scene in the evening just before the Battle of Watling Street where Suetonius is talking to his aide-de-camp and the following conversation takes place:
SUETONIUS: What a primitive way of settling disputes. All that slaughter. Better to toss a coin then we could all go home.
AIDE: And you and I would be looking for employment, sir.
SUETONIUS: Good. I'd like to learn to build a straight wall. (Chuckles) Look at them. They're fighting this war to save their people, to keep the right to their own land, to preserve their religion and the right to practice it; and we're fighting it because... we're here and it's our job and... Professional pride really. It's not enough is it?... I'll turn in now." (Both men stand)
AIDE: Goodnight, sir. And a glorious victory for the emperor tomorrow!
SUETONIUS: (Over his shoulder, cynically) Hmm. Quite.
Source: https://youtu.be/YNF7WGQYmd0?si=0qm6muxGruzrIOHA&t=4854.

What's interesting about this dialogue that it reminds me very much of the general difference between management and the healthcare providers, both hospital portering and civilian. People who get into medicine, nursing and other PAM's often do so out of passion. Their work becomes a part of themselves in every way, as I myself say here: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2024/01/its-not-job.html. People attracted to administration are very different. They tend to be very unscrupulous, not positively evil; just amoral, detached, indifferent. This is why it was so easy for me to predict which porters were most likely to be promoted. For them life is very simple. They do things, get things they like and avoid things they don't like. The kind of Hamlet-like introspection, dilemma and hesitation that I constantly experience is not only unknown to them; it is incomprehensible. There's a new phenomenon in popular psychology known as the "NPC", a computing term that stands for "non-player character". In a computer game an NPC is any character not controlled by a player and is instead generated and activated by the game's own program. The NPC therefore has no mind or personality. This has become a metaphor for a certain personality type, often illustrated by the Wojak meme with a simple line drawn face. NPC's are not to be confused with psychopaths. NPC's do have a conscience and can feel empathy, but they cannot act on it. This is because they have no internal thought dialogue and so are incapable of changing their minds about anything or generating an original action without an external mental stimulus. In the film, Suetonius jokes about building walls, but he is clearly in the wrong job. He forces himself to suppress his own conscience in order to function in the Roman army. I call these people "pseudo-psychopaths". He is clearly no NPC, but his aide-de-camp is. Managers can switch on and off their robotic nature depending on whether or not they are on duty, which is interesting. In the social club some of them behave like anybody else and are even good company. This makes it obvious that being robotic and mindless is not essential to running a hospital, even though many people will claim that it is. There's simply something about the modern healthcare system that seems to demand it of people. My own confrontation with this mindset was very revealing. It was in a strange way a bit like the Boudican revolt with myself on the side of the Britons, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2022/01/ten-years-on.html. This difference between myself and most other people I know could be the very reason I experience Boudica moments.
See here for more information: https://hpanwo.blogspot.com/2025/02/boudica-portal.html.

Patients Please!

 

Breaking news! During last night's Gas Spanner, see: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2025/09/the-gas-spanner-programme-133.html, somebody in the chatbox made me aware of something extraordinary. There is now a computer game based on hospital portering. I didn't believe him until I looked myself. The game is called Patients Please! and is a hospital portering simulator. It is for one to four players and the object of the game is to "satisfy each of the ridiculous hospital requirements, please the patients and make as much money as possible". It is being developed by a Scottish company called Damage State and appears to be out for crowdfunding. There is no need to ask whether or not I would donate! Source: https://ukgamesfund.com/funded-project/patients-please. The page doesn't give much information except a basic play description and the statement that it is a work in progress. The fund may have closed or has not yet opened; it's far from clear. I will naturally offer them my services as a consultant like I already have done for Hollywood, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2013/08/portering-hits-hollywood.html. That's all the information I can locate right now. I'll post an update as soon as I have more. Obviously I will be a very keen player and promoter of this game when it becomes available.

"Whatever!"

 

I've talked before about how my experiences in hospital portering have left me with a strange aversion to certain harmless words and phrases, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2024/01/how-dare-you.html and: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2024/01/well-take-it-from-here.html. Another of those is: "Whatever!" This was said to me by the evil-eyed Canadian person I mention in the background links. I can't recall the situation, but it was during the first few years of my service when I was in Delivery Suite. I was making this midwife aware of a serious situation in which an important tissue specimen had been thrown in the rubbish by mistake. It wasn't even thrown by her; it was an error made by her midwifery colleague. She waved her hand dismissively and growled: "Whatever, Ben!", as if annoyed that a porter had spotted a mistake made by a midwife, a superior one. A few weeks later it happened again; but this time it was much worse. An entire placenta had been discarded when they're supposed to put into a special container which I would take to a storage freezer. This time Stacey said in the same manner: "That's fine, Ben!"; and I feel the same repulsion at those words too. It says a lot about the NHS to know that this midwife ended up as a top Department of Health official. For all I know she is still there to this day; she is only a few years older than me and probably has yet to retire. A while ago I thought a time would eventually come when I would be able to put the trauma of my HPing life behind me. It is now obvious that this is not going to happen. I am never going to get over it. I will never be able to let go of the humiliation I suffered during those twenty-three years. I have been studying the publications of other people with experiences similar to my own, albeit in the civilian world, and I think the only option when you cannot overcome a painful memory is to perform a trick of spiritual alchemy, which is a phrase one of these people used. It's like being shot with a depleted uranium bullet which you cannot remove. It will sit there forever inside your body, poisoning your system. However, there is something you can do. Rather than trying over and over in vain to extract the bullet; find something that will transform that bullet into gold. Performing that miracle for myself and all readers is one of the prime objectives of the HPWA.

Power Handshakes

 

In my quest to educate My Extremely Proud and Dignified Brother and Sister Hospital Porters, along with anybody else who is interested, about Dignity Statements, I must once again remind you that the problems for which DigStates were invented are not always about what people say, but also what they do; and therefore so are the responses. There is a certain person I often bump into at events relevant to the other sub-franchises of HPANWO who seems to have a very high opinion of himself mixed with a very low opinion of me. Whenever I meet him he tries to give me a power handshake. This is a gesture that projects dominance over the person whose hand you're shaking. I remember many years ago, in my pre-portering teenage life, reading a book about body language that addressed this subject so even before I developed DigStates I was somewhat prepared for them. It's his way of saying: "I'm the Mr Bigshot here and you're my bitch." Luckily I got to know him many years after I utilized my disarming procedure and so he never got away with it against me, nor did anybody else. If you've had this experience then in your case it may be some arrogant consultant or, more likely for a HP, your head porter or somebody else in admin. This article here describes the situation very well and it actually repeats a lot of information that was in the book, see: https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-get-out-of-a-dominating-handshake-2012-9. I have used this technique against the aforementioned consultants and managers, but I developed my own adaptations that are bit more extreme. In the case of my self-aggrandized woo-woo contact I do the same left-foot-forward ploy and coming at him with my palm pointed downwards, but I literally advance my hand from much higher, almost shoulder height, and bring it down on top of his; and I raise myself up, even standing slightly on my toes. This is a form of Dignity Statement that is as important as all the others. Serving with somebody every day, you'll probably got only one chance to use it with each person, when you first meet them, so it is vital to get the methodology right in advance and be prepared at all times. As you learn and grow in your HPing career you will no doubt adapt new tricks in your own way based on your personal experience. Please do post a comment and let me know what they are.

HP is Hyrox Champ

 

Hyrox is a sport I had never heard of before. It is a multi-disciplinary game that involves a series of physical challenges; running, pushing, pulling, rowing, jumping, lifting and carrying weights. It requires no serious skills and is primarily a test of strength and stamina. Anybody can play it and there is a broad array of participation categories around age and sex. It is quite a new sport, only invented in 2018, but it has become very popular. I'm delighted to tell you that a hospital porter has become one of the most successful Hyrox competitors of all. He has just broken the world record and won two medals. His prize is a golden kettlebell, an emblematic implement for the sport. David Ridout serves at the University Hospital Crosshouse near Kilmarnock, Scotland and travelled all the way to Chicago, USA for the Hyrox world championship. He finished top of his age category, which must be one of the oldest because he's seventy-five. He said: "I trained very hard for over a year so I could go out and do my best in Chicago. Hopefully by sharing my achievement this may inspire others to look at their options and challenge themselves to improve their health and wellbeing. If I can do it, anybody can." He was congratulated by his hospital management. Source: https://news.stv.tv/west-central/scots-hospital-porter-breaks-hyrox-world-record-at-75-years-old. The next tournament is in Glasgow, slightly closer to home, which I expect David will be taking part in. I salute my EP&DBP for his remarkable achievement. He has made this a great day for HP's everywhere. I wish my brother all the best for future Hyrox championships.