Why Do People Hate Me?

 

Surely I'm not the only one who experiences this? You know somebody and they truly despise you. Maybe it's for a reason; you've done something bad to them and they can't forgive you. However, very often it's a baseless hatred with no motive at all; you've done them no harm at all, and you might not even know them very well. For me this used to happen all the time. Probably over half the people I interacted with responded in this way. In my case I know what the source of that ire was, I just didn't understand it. It very often arose after that "popping the question" moment, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2022/10/popping-question-responses.html. Their face turns into a blank stare and they stop talking to me. Very often they leave the conversation and try to avoid me afterwards. Sometimes they don't actually "pop the question" to me directly, their behaviour changes when they hear about my answer through the grapevine. "Have you heard Ben is proud to be a hospital porter?"... "Oh my God, no! How could he!? He has no such right!" This loathing can reach truly obsessive levels. It happens especially online, but I don't know if that's because the trolls hate me more than other people or just because it's easier and safer to express feelings over cyberspace. For example, when I got discharged from the NHS, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2025/01/thirteen-years-on.html, one of my trolls created a new social media account, seeing as I had blocked all his others and he knew I would block this one too, specially so he could gloat about it. He said: "I hear you've lost your job, Ben. I'd just like you to know that I'm currently having a champagne breakfast to celebrate." I always found this vitriol incomprehensible. If I am proud to be a HP what makes them the injured party in that situation? I've come across a YouTube channel that is fascinating. It is packed with information that I've never heard before; needless to say I've subscribed. It's based on the work of the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche and one of the videos is called Why People Hate You for No Reason- The Brutal Truth by Friedrich Nietzsche. It is the best attempt I've ever come across to answer this conundrum.
 
According to Nietzsche, the negativity is their problem. It's not about you; it's about their feelings towards themselves. You are simply the means by which they can see elements of themselves that they otherwise ignore and hide from. To be a proud and dignified HP has certain implications; it means that you feel positive about yourself and your occupation without peer approval or admiration from wider society. Many other people deep down would like to feel the same way about themselves, but they can't. They need external validation from their community and they understand what a precarious position that is. Yet they can't admit it because they lack introspective awareness; they are what are commonly known as "NPC's", see: https://hpanwo-voice.blogspot.com/2022/04/ben-emlyn-jones-on-msp-second-series.html (Programme 337). For this reason the only way they can deal with it is react with jealousy and hostility towards the proud and dignified HP for making them feel that way. Another problem is that most people are what Robert Anton Wilson called "neophobes", afraid of change, taking comfort and feeling secure in normality and stability. A proud and dignified HP inevitably rocks the boat. The sad thing is, all people who have advanced human beings as a species have had to endure the hardship of being resented for forcing their companions out of that comfort zone. Whether it was the caveman who found a new and better way of carving stone; or the inventor who thought alternating current would work better than direct current, see: https://hpanwo-tv.blogspot.com/2019/07/the-current-war-film-review.html. Just think what we could achieve if we valued mavericks instead of denouncing them! Also proud and dignified HP's are, virtually by definition, self-confident. Those who lack self-confidence may feel envy towards those who do because, deep down, they suffer from their fear. "They see the world through the lens of their own wounds", as Nietzsche said. Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoqBUFJvGv0. This, of course, does not only apply to HP's; anybody can be in this position. I think my comment under the video says it all: "Well, that comprehensively solves one of the biggest mysteries of my life!" This revelation has actually been of some consolation to me. It's also reduced my own reciprocal feelings of anger towards the ODP's and others who gave me a hard time, especially "Jack Shaw", see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2023/05/i-lied-to-jack.html. I've also lost a lot of the arrogance this tension generated, arrogance I never knew I was expressing beforehand. I now feel more compassionate towards my aggravating acquaintances.

Happy St Theo's Day 2026!

 

On behalf of every serving hospital porter, every former hospital porter, and everybody else who loves, appreciates and supports us, with all the Pride and Dignity of my Extremely Proud and Dignified Brother and Sister Porters, I'd like to wish all my friends and readers, a very happy St Theo's Day.
See here for The Gas Spanner St Theo 2026: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2026/05/the-gas-spanner-programme-163.html.

Where Does This Meme Come From?

 

I've found a very interesting image. It was on a Facebook group I've joined that opposes Digital ID. As you can see, it depicts a street protest in London against the scheme and in the foreground are a row of NHS servicepeople; two nurses, a doctor and a paramedic. There is one further character that is distinct because he is a hospital porter and his back is turned to the viewer. He appears to be pushing a trolley between the two nurses. In a strange way it, at first glance, it looks like the porter is giving a speech to the crowd and his NHS colleagues. The man looks nothing like me, he is slimmer and has a good head of hair; however, I suspect the meme is based on me. I don't know who made it and they have not contacted me. These days artistic talent is not necessary to make good artwork and this was probably created by an artificial intelligence art system. I'm glad to have provided inspiration for this picture. I do oppose Digital ID passionately. I have done so since my daughter's school tried to take her fingerprints, see: https://hpanwo.blogspot.com/2007/11/this-is-drawing-done-by-my-12-year-old.html. Since that happened the Big Brother surveillance state has grown. At some NHS hospitals they are now forcing staff to register their fingerprints and a scanner like the one at the school is used to clock in and out and even log tasks.

It's Changed!

 

My family has recently suffered a very upsetting experience, my daughter's uncle has died; not my own brother, her mother's brother. He was seventy-five years old and has been in very poor health for several years, but he was definitely one of the closest members of my extended family. I reported on this during the last two episodes of The Gas Spanner, see: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2026/05/the-gas-spanner-programme-159.html and: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2026/05/the-gas-spanner-programme-160.html. We called an ambulance for him last Friday week and he was taken to the JRH Emergency Department. From there he went to the Emergency Assessment Unit and was put into a side room. I didn't say anything to the family at the time, but I knew from my experience that at that point the doctors had little hope for his recovery. He was kept comfortable for four days and then he peacefully passed away. That's all I wish to say about him right now, but I would like to comment on what it was like to visit the John Radcliffe Hospital for the first time in many years. It has totally and utterly changed, mostly for the worst. The ED has been completely reorganized with the triage area where the resuscitation room used to be and a new resus near the major side doors. I don't know why this was done, but I do know that there's a cast iron rule that anything in the NHS that's not broken always has to be fixed. The place generally looks far more compact and crowded with less open space. The waiting room is sealed off from the rest of the unit by heavy duty locked doors, a system I noticed also during my recent visit to a London hospital, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2025/07/uch.html. I assumed this was just local practice in the capital, but it obviously is nationwide.

On my second visit to my daughter's uncle on the Saturday I walked there and entered ED directly from the outside. It has something strange surrounding the entrance ramp that I've not seen before. It looks to me like a high security fence, but designed not to look like one, similarly to the "lorry ramming of peace" barriers you see in major cities that are all done up with flower pots and artwork. I got the feeling this fence is designed to have barbed wire on the top of it if needed, but the Oxford University Hospitals Trust (it's changed its name from Oxford Radcliffe Hospitals Trust) aren't going to unless it is "politically necessary". Despite that, the new ED does have the atmosphere of a military camp. The Illustration above very out-of-date. Inside there was a much denser security presence than there used to be with a guard visible all the time. One of them recognized me and said hello. He used to be a porter, but has since been promoted... if you can call it that. On our first visit, the Friday afternoon, I went to the main hospital entrance and was greeted by a civilian receptionist who was most unhelpful. She was clearly doing her best, but seemed unable to locate the patient we asked for. She made two phone calls and then wrote down a phone number on a scrap of paper for us to call. This is absurd. The main duty of the receptionist, whether desk porter or civilian, is to direct visitors to the part of the hospital they are trying to find. This should be very simple; they are supposed to have a database of all the patients' locations in front of them; and it used to take just a few seconds to search and pinpoint the ward or department the visitor is looking for. What on earth has gone wrong? Ironically the Trust has spent over a million pounds revamping the entire entrance and main street area so that it looks like some kind of designer shopping centre/hotel lobby/airport lounge combination; yet at the same time its basic and necessary practical aspects have fallen into total dysfunction. Do they think if they simply shock-and-awe us enough with stained glass panels, polished beach screens and stripy floor lino we will not notice how downright crappy the service is? My ex-partner, my daughter's mother, is disabled and can only walk a few dozen yards so I had to find a wheelchair for her. There were none at all in the public pool, but luckily I then met a brother porter who recognized me and he showed me their secret stash in Outpatients. I asked him where the lodge was these days and he said: "There is no lodge"; that doesn't surprise me, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2022/08/new-lodge.html. My brother HP was dressed in the uniform issued by Mitie; it has changed the traditional light blue shirt to white, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2021/11/the-mitie-hps.html. To say that I was dissatisfied with my experience at the JRH is such an understatement I can hardly describe it. I would like to put in a complaint, but where would I begin? Maybe it's because I've come back after so long that I notice things people who have been there all this time don't because it's crept up on them slowly, like the classic frog in a saucepan analogy. Even if I hadn't been visiting under such tragic circumstances I'd have been dismayed, but I was. All I can do now is hope and pray I don't have to return there again anytime soon. 

"Hello There!"

 

I've come across a very strange video short. Oddly enough I first encountered it on a YouTube ad. It was for an artificial intelligence animation studio called Filmcrux and this demo material is a short, just two minutes and eighteen seconds long. It is very lifelike. Modern animation is actually difficult to distinguish from live action these days. It has a graphic content warning because it is extremely violent. Even though it's not real and doesn't even involve real actors, some viewers might find it disturbing. Hello There takes place in a hospital, one called "Glenlake asylum" and it's "1956". A patient is being pushed along a corridor. Even though he is sitting up in a wheelchair there are two porters with him. Is that normal practice in mental health? He says nothing else, but he keeps repeating the phrase "hello there" over and over again. Suddenly the lights start flickering and there are spooky noises on the soundtrack. The patient starts choking. One of the porters asks him if he's okay and the man just looks at him and repeats "hello there." Then the porter appears to go into a seizure and the other HP asks his brother if he's okay. The first porter then says "hello there" just like the patient and attacks his colleague, biting a hole in his cheek. The man slumps to the floor, apparently dead. The first porter, called Bob, then walks off and enters a porters' lodge. A policeman is sitting and the table and asks Bob if he's alright. Bob takes an axe from a mounting of the wall and kills the policeman with it. He runs back out into the passage and sees a nurse. She screams and bolts and Bob, covered in blood from his previous two victims, chases after her. There is chirpy jazz music in the score. The title shot is a very retro scene of a pleasant '50's street, but the title text "HELLO THERE" is dripping with blood. Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQcEPEetEI0. The description box says:
"'Hello There' will be the last thing you ever hear.
A wild AI horror short film made with TapNow AI. @tapnow.ai_official
'Hello There' is a retro-inspired paranormal possession slasher horror film.
All made with TapNow AI using Kling 3.0.
TapNow is a professional AI creative engine for video creators and filmmakers.
They have all the latest AI models, and it's incredibly easy to use, even though it's a node-based AI platform.
Even though they recently launched Seedance 2.0 on TapNow as well, this entire film was created without it.
'Hello There' is an AI proof of concept written and directed by Lion El Aton for FILM CRUX.
We're going to be entering this in TapNow's 10,000 Parallel Universes contest.
They're currently accepting entries, so join now.
#tapnow #taptv #createinpublic #tapchallenge #horror".
The need for human actors seems to be diminishing. Could all the Hollywood stars be made redundant? Probably not, simply out of principle. In fact there is already a Luddite, purist movement in TV and cinematic community against replacement by our robot overlords. There was even recently a strike by scriptwriters to save their jobs. I understand that totally. I dislike AI used in that way because it is fundamentally a deception, a falsehood, as I've said before. It's why Spike Jonze's film Her film so disturbed me, see: https://hpanwo-voice.blogspot.com/2025/06/her.html. Is it a compliment or an insult that the first in a series of the most sophisticated new AI created films features HP's?

Gulf War Bomb Scare

 

In January 1991 Operation Desert Storm began. A coalition of forty-two nations invaded Iraqi-occupied Kuwait. As always, the John Radcliffe was assigned to care for the injured soldiers from that war. We were put onto a special routine, setting up an entire ward and commandeering two operating theatres in the main JRII suite for the purpose, with the help of the Royal Medical Corp. I missed out on a lot of that "action", something to my chagrin seeing I was in my youthful gung ho mood at the time. I remained in my department, Delivery Suite. All I could hope for was for some overtime away from it. As it happened I did become very involved, much more so than I would have liked, and in the most unexpected place. My overtime was unfortunately not in JRII, but I was instead deployed to the JRI lodge, this was pre-Women's Centre when it was purely Maternity. Gynaecology had yet to move up from the Churchill. The senior porter was away so I acted as "desk porter". I groaned; this was one of the most tedious jobs a JRH porter could do. How wrong I was! At one point in the shift, in the afternoon, I noticed a travel bag sitting in the entrance airlock which was clearly visible from our desk. I suddenly remembered a memorandum we had been sent in which the Department of Health had been told by the police and intelligence services that, because of the Gulf War, terrorists might target hospitals in use by the military. I gasped in fear, but I'm pleased to say I did not panic and immediately got on the hotline to security. The guard who picked up was somebody I knew, and I spoke clearly and calmly: "John! (Not his real name) You better get over here..." He interrupted: "We know, Ben. We can see it on CCTV. We're on our way. Could you go and stand in the airlock to keep the public away?" I obeyed before I realized what I was doing. They wanted me to move towards the bomb and stand next to it! I was terrified, but somehow managed it. I braced myself in case it detonated, which was pretty futile considering it was six feet away. I was comforted by the fact that Maternity was just a three minute dash from the security station so I wouldn't have to face this peril for very long. The men who were paid to take these risks would appear and take over very soon. I looked at my watch. Three minutes passed; then four, then five. It then occurred to me that the security staff were not dashing; they were taking their time. They had obviously decided to skip the dangerous duty themselves by getting Ben to risk it. After about another two minutes I saw John and one of his colleagues casually strolling up the hill from the car park, having walked the long way round. At the same time a man appeared and knocked on the sliding doors, which I had locked. "Could I come in and get my bag please?" I unlocked the doors. It turns out he was a new father who was so excited about his new baby that the bag had slipped his mind and he had abandoned it there. He and the security guys all converged on my location at the same time. I honestly was not sure who to be most angry with! I never trusted security again.

AI on The Spanner

 

I asked Google AI: "Is there a radio show called 'The Gas Spanner'?"

It answered:
Yes, there is a podcast titled The Gas Spanner.
The show is hosted on platforms like Spreaker and Rumble and typically discusses topics related to hospital portering, healthcare, and trade-related issues. It is often associated with the HPANWO (Hospital Porters Against New World Order) network and the HPWA (Hospital Porters Welfare Association). It is presented by Ben Emlyn-Jones who also produces HPANWO and the HPWA. Unlike Emlyn-Jones' other podcast, HPANWO Radio, The Gas Spanner generally does not address conspiracy theories, UFO's or paranormal topics, except when they relate directly to healthcare, such as with haunted hospitals. "The Spanner", as it is affectionately known, has a more relaxed and "off duty" proceedings in which Emlyn-Jones relates anecdotes of his experiences while working as a hospital porter, which he usually abbreviates as "HP". It has a small but very loyal circle of listeners. Emlyn-Jones converses and takes questions from live listeners in the "chat box", a live chat app. He takes great care to make all shows available afterwards as a free podcast.

Pretty accurate I'd say. Don't forget to tune in every Sunday at 8 PM. If you miss it live, check out the podcast: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com.