It's Changed!

 

My family has recently suffered a very upsetting experience, my daughter's uncle has died; not my own brother, her mother's brother. He was seventy-five years old and has been in very poor health for several years, but he was definitely one of the closest members of my extended family. I reported on this during the last two episodes of The Gas Spanner, see: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2026/05/the-gas-spanner-programme-159.html and: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2026/05/the-gas-spanner-programme-160.html. We called an ambulance for him last Friday week and he was taken to the JRH Emergency Department. From there he went to the Emergency Assessment Unit and was put into a side room. I didn't say anything to the family at the time, but I knew from my experience that at that point the doctors had little hope for his recovery. He was kept comfortable for four days and then he peacefully passed away. That's all I wish to say about him right now, but I would like to comment on what it was like to visit the John Radcliffe Hospital for the first time in many years. It has totally and utterly changed, mostly for the worst. The ED has been completely reorganized with the triage area where the resuscitation room used to be and a new resus near the major side doors. I don't know why this was done, but I do know that there's a cast iron rule that anything in the NHS that's not broken always has to be fixed. The place generally looks far more compact and crowded with less open space. The waiting room is sealed off from the rest of the unit by heavy duty locked doors, a system I noticed also during my recent visit to a London hospital, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2025/07/uch.html. I assumed this was just local practice in the capital, but it obviously is nationwide.

On my second visit to my daughter's uncle on the Saturday I walked there and entered ED directly from the outside. It has something strange surrounding the entrance ramp that I've not seen before. It looks to me like a high security fence, but designed not to look like one, similarly to the "lorry ramming of peace" barriers you see in major cities that are all done up with flower pots and artwork. I got the feeling this fence is designed to have barbed wire on the top of it if needed, but the Oxford University Hospitals Trust (it's changed its name from Oxford Radcliffe Hospitals Trust) aren't going to unless it is "politically necessary". Despite that, the new ED does have the atmosphere of a military camp. The Illustration above very out-of-date. Inside there was a much denser security presence than there used to be with a guard visible all the time. One of them recognized me and said hello. He used to be a porter, but has since been promoted... if you can call it that. On our first visit, the Friday afternoon, I went to the main hospital entrance and was greeted by a civilian receptionist who was most unhelpful. She was clearly doing her best, but seemed unable to locate the patient we asked for. She made two phone calls and then wrote down a phone number on a scrap of paper for us to call. This is absurd. The main duty of the receptionist, whether desk porter or civilian, is to direct visitors to the part of the hospital they are trying to find. This should be very simple; they are supposed to have a database of all the patients' locations in front of them; and it used to take just a few seconds to search and pinpoint the ward or department the visitor is looking for. What on earth has gone wrong? Ironically the Trust has spent over a million pounds revamping the entire entrance and main street area so that it looks like some kind of designer shopping centre/hotel lobby/airport lounge combination; yet at the same time its basic and necessary practical aspects have fallen into total dysfunction. Do they think if they simply shock-and-awe us enough with stained glass panels, polished beach screens and stripy floor lino we will not notice how downright crappy the service is? My ex-partner, my daughter's mother, is disabled and can only walk a few dozen yards so I had to find a wheelchair for her. There were none at all in the public pool, but luckily I then met a brother porter who recognized me and he showed me their secret stash in Outpatients. I asked him where the lodge was these days and he said: "There is no lodge"; that doesn't surprise me, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2022/08/new-lodge.html. My brother HP was dressed in the uniform issued by Mitie; it has changed the traditional light blue shirt to white, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2021/11/the-mitie-hps.html. To say that I was dissatisfied with my experience at the JRH is such an understatement I can hardly describe it. I would like to put in a complaint, but where would I begin? Maybe it's because I've come back after so long that I notice things people who have been there all this time don't because it's crept up on them slowly, like the classic frog in a saucepan analogy. Even if I hadn't been visiting under such tragic circumstances I'd have been dismayed, but I was. All I can do now is hope and pray I don't have to return there again anytime soon. 

"Hello There!"

 

I've come across a very strange video short. Oddly enough I first encountered it on a YouTube ad. It was for an artificial intelligence animation studio called Filmcrux and this demo material is a short, just two minutes and eighteen seconds long. It is very lifelike. Modern animation is actually difficult to distinguish from live action these days. It has a graphic content warning because it is extremely violent. Even though it's not real and doesn't even involve real actors, some viewers might find it disturbing. Hello There takes place in a hospital, one called "Glenlake asylum" and it's "1956". A patient is being pushed along a corridor. Even though he is sitting up in a wheelchair there are two porters with him. Is that normal practice in mental health? He says nothing else, but he keeps repeating the phrase "hello there" over and over again. Suddenly the lights start flickering and there are spooky noises on the soundtrack. The patient starts choking. One of the porters asks him if he's okay and the man just looks at him and repeats "hello there." Then the porter appears to go into a seizure and the other HP asks his brother if he's okay. The first porter then says "hello there" just like the patient and attacks his colleague, biting a hole in his cheek. The man slumps to the floor, apparently dead. The first porter, called Bob, then walks off and enters a porters' lodge. A policeman is sitting and the table and asks Bob if he's alright. Bob takes an axe from a mounting of the wall and kills the policeman with it. He runs back out into the passage and sees a nurse. She screams and bolts and Bob, covered in blood from his previous two victims, chases after her. There is chirpy jazz music in the score. The title shot is a very retro scene of a pleasant '50's street, but the title text "HELLO THERE" is dripping with blood. Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQcEPEetEI0. The description box says:
"'Hello There' will be the last thing you ever hear.
A wild AI horror short film made with TapNow AI. @tapnow.ai_official
'Hello There' is a retro-inspired paranormal possession slasher horror film.
All made with TapNow AI using Kling 3.0.
TapNow is a professional AI creative engine for video creators and filmmakers.
They have all the latest AI models, and it's incredibly easy to use, even though it's a node-based AI platform.
Even though they recently launched Seedance 2.0 on TapNow as well, this entire film was created without it.
'Hello There' is an AI proof of concept written and directed by Lion El Aton for FILM CRUX.
We're going to be entering this in TapNow's 10,000 Parallel Universes contest.
They're currently accepting entries, so join now.
#tapnow #taptv #createinpublic #tapchallenge #horror".
The need for human actors seems to be diminishing. Could all the Hollywood stars be made redundant? Probably not, simply out of principle. In fact there is already a Luddite, purist movement in TV and cinematic community against replacement by our robot overlords. There was even recently a strike by scriptwriters to save their jobs. I understand that totally. I dislike AI used in that way because it is fundamentally a deception, a falsehood, as I've said before. It's why Spike Jonze's film Her film so disturbed me, see: https://hpanwo-voice.blogspot.com/2025/06/her.html. Is it a compliment or an insult that the first in a series of the most sophisticated new AI created films features HP's?

Gulf War Bomb Scare

 

In January 1991 Operation Desert Storm began. A coalition of forty-two nations invaded Iraqi-occupied Kuwait. As always, the John Radcliffe was assigned to care for the injured soldiers from that war. We were put onto a special routine, setting up an entire ward and commandeering two operating theatres in the main JRII suite for the purpose, with the help of the Royal Medical Corp. I missed out on a lot of that "action", something to my chagrin seeing I was in my youthful gung ho mood at the time. I remained in my department, Delivery Suite. All I could hope for was for some overtime away from it. As it happened I did become very involved, much more so than I would have liked, and in the most unexpected place. My overtime was unfortunately not in JRII, but I was instead deployed to the JRI lodge, this was pre-Women's Centre when it was purely Maternity. Gynaecology had yet to move up from the Churchill. The senior porter was away so I acted as "desk porter". I groaned; this was one of the most tedious jobs a JRH porter could do. How wrong I was! At one point in the shift, in the afternoon, I noticed a travel bag sitting in the entrance airlock which was clearly visible from our desk. I suddenly remembered a memorandum we had been sent in which the Department of Health had been told by the police and intelligence services that, because of the Gulf War, terrorists might target hospitals in use by the military. I gasped in fear, but I'm pleased to say I did not panic and immediately got on the hotline to security. The guard who picked up was somebody I knew, and I spoke clearly and calmly: "John! (Not his real name) You better get over here..." He interrupted: "We know, Ben. We can see it on CCTV. We're on our way. Could you go and stand in the airlock to keep the public away?" I obeyed before I realized what I was doing. They wanted me to move towards the bomb and stand next to it! I was terrified, but somehow managed it. I braced myself in case it detonated, which was pretty futile considering it was six feet away. I was comforted by the fact that Maternity was just a three minute dash from the security station so I wouldn't have to face this peril for very long. The men who were paid to take these risks would appear and take over very soon. I looked at my watch. Three minutes passed; then four, then five. It then occurred to me that the security staff were not dashing; they were taking their time. They had obviously decided to skip the dangerous duty themselves by getting Ben to risk it. After about another two minutes I saw John and one of his colleagues casually strolling up the hill from the car park, having walked the long way round. At the same time a man appeared and knocked on the sliding doors, which I had locked. "Could I come in and get my bag please?" I unlocked the doors. It turns out he was a new father who was so excited about his new baby that the bag had slipped his mind and he had abandoned it there. He and the security guys all converged on my location at the same time. I honestly was not sure who to be most angry with! I never trusted security again.

AI on The Spanner

 

I asked Google AI: "Is there a radio show called 'The Gas Spanner'?"

It answered:
Yes, there is a podcast titled The Gas Spanner.
The show is hosted on platforms like Spreaker and Rumble and typically discusses topics related to hospital portering, healthcare, and trade-related issues. It is often associated with the HPANWO (Hospital Porters Against New World Order) network and the HPWA (Hospital Porters Welfare Association). It is presented by Ben Emlyn-Jones who also produces HPANWO and the HPWA. Unlike Emlyn-Jones' other podcast, HPANWO Radio, The Gas Spanner generally does not address conspiracy theories, UFO's or paranormal topics, except when they relate directly to healthcare, such as with haunted hospitals. "The Spanner", as it is affectionately known, has a more relaxed and "off duty" proceedings in which Emlyn-Jones relates anecdotes of his experiences while working as a hospital porter, which he usually abbreviates as "HP". It has a small but very loyal circle of listeners. Emlyn-Jones converses and takes questions from live listeners in the "chat box", a live chat app. He takes great care to make all shows available afterwards as a free podcast.

Pretty accurate I'd say. Don't forget to tune in every Sunday at 8 PM. If you miss it live, check out the podcast: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com.

I've Found Another 2P

See here for essential background: http://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2026/01/twopence-bag.html.

I'm rich!... Just kidding of course; however, this could be a sign that I am, in a different way to the usual meaning of the word. As I explain in the background article, I am interested in synchronicity and portents. The experience back in January was significant enough; and now, guess what, it's happened again. I was walking along a street near the entrance to a recreation ground when I noticed something lying on top of one of the bollards. It was a twopence piece identical to the one I found before, except this one was a bit scratched. This damage does not stop it being legal tender, but I will probably not spend it. I feel the need to keep it as a talisman. The coin was lying on top of the bollard, as you can see in the photo. This means it cannot have just been dropped accidentally; somebody placed it there deliberately. I have no idea who. I don't often reveal details of my personal life, especially when it comes to work; trolls will try to exploit me if I'm too open about that. This time, however, I'm going to reveal where these coin discoveries happened. The entrance to the park is on Spencer Crescent in Rose Hill, Oxford. The first finding was just a couple of hundred yards away on the same road close to its junction with Ashurst Way. As I said in January, the odds of this happening randomly are very slim. What it means, I'm not sure; but this kind of happening is always some kind of communication. Usually it's a good thing, a reassurance.

Endoscope Lube

 

I've identified a number of beverages that might possibly have been invented by hospital porters. The first I've detected was invented by an EP&DBP whose name I'd prefer not to mention because I think he is still serving and I don't want to get him into trouble. You see, I do suspect he used to drink this one on duty! The drink has no official name, but it is usually nicknamed "endoscope lube". It is very simple to make; you just fill half a glass with vodka and the other with cola. It's best to make it in a straight glass because that makes it easier to measure. According to its creator it tastes best at room temperature, although I prefer it chilled. I suspect my bro HP's preference comes from the fact he couldn't store his supply in the lodge fridge for obvious reasons. One of its attractions is that it looks and smells quite like pure cola, so if management catch you with a glass you can always pretend that's what it is. In the illustration above you can see one I made myself. I should warn you that endoscope lube is deceptively strong. Like screwdriver and other similar cocktails, the taste of the mixer tends to drown out the vodka. This means it can go to your head without you realizing until it's too late. It's best to make your own and not drink one served by somebody else, unless you trust them completely. You can always adjust the measures to make it milder; "endoscope lube lite" I suppose you could say. Readers may wonder if I ever partook personally. I did indeed, including today. Did I ever while I was on duty?... I shan't answer explicitly, but I will confirm that a few glasses were passed round one Christmas day. Christmas life at the hospital is a strange experience generally, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2013/12/hospital-at-christmas.html. If readers know of any other examples from the HP booze cruise, please let me know in the comments.

Being Sad

 

When I was a hospital porter I often felt sad. There were many reasons for this, and I've written about these plenty of times, but being immersed in the sad experience often made it hard to understand it. A friend has sent me a video that has given me a lot of clarity. It asks the question: Is sadness always a bad thing? There are different kinds of sadness. The reactive emotional pain when something bad happens, like when you hear somebody you love has died, for example. There is depression which is a mental disorder in which you cannot function; but there is a third kind, known as melancholy. Melancholy is different to the other two. It is a quiet and internal feeling generated from ones own thoughts rather than circumstances. It doesn't have a single cause or a specific resolution. It is an acute awareness of life and the universe, and its inevitable temporary nature, its transience, its apparent pointlessness. For example, I might feel reactive sadness and anger because of my treatment at the hands of the characters I have described previously; Jack Shaw, Sharon, Stacey etc. Melancholy is a more long-term feeling about them; it comes from the understanding that their presence in my world is inevitable, that it is written into the ground rules of my lived experience. I felt reactively sad when I heard that my friend Barry had died, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2022/11/finding-barrys-grave.html. Melancholy is the knowledge that, seeing as he was a lot older then me, that it was always most likely I would one day lose my relationship with him to the Grim Reaper. I still feel melancholy in my post-HPing life, most notably in the form of what I call "Boudica moments", see: https://hpanwo.blogspot.com/2025/02/boudica-portal.html. The problem is the modern NHS regards melancholy in the same way it does depression; in fact I doubt it even notices the difference between the two. As it says in the video's title, modernity forbids it. This is because melancholy is not productive. People who feel it are not best suited to a 21st century hospital which is organized no differently to a Victorian factory. It is a production line where sick people come in and healthy people or corpses go out. It's as simple as that. It is the product of industrial psychologists like Hugo Münsterberg, who is described in the film, who said things like: "How we can produce most completely the influences on human minds which are desired in the interest of business." (I was not surprised to find out that this individual was part of the Freudian set, like another person I had the misfortune to encounter personally, see: https://hpanwo-voice.blogspot.com/2023/10/am-i-gate-child.html.) One could easily substitute "business" with "healthcare". Healthcare providers are essentially robots. Any humanity has to be beaten out of us. This process is described well by a character in the film Patch Adams, see: at 18:00 https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9tvv7m.  Anybody who won't submit to that and refuses to be turned into that robot is a system error, a broken component... Maybe that's why they got rid of me, see: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2026/01/the-gas-spanner-programme-145_18.html. The problem is that a hospital is full of situations that inspire melancholy; death, pain, injury, gore, grief, fear. Sometimes I used to stop and look out of a window for a while when something really terrible had happened. An EP&DBP I once knew sometimes used to stop work on the late shift to watch the sunset. We regarded that as a subtle but deep act of subversion. But the authorities regard such people as problems that need to be solved; with training, "attitude readjustment" sessions, SSRI doses and, if necessary, dismissal.
 
So basically we are not allowed to be sad, certainly not in the melancholic way. That is a pity because melancholy is a part of what makes us truly human. It comes naturally out of reflective thought. Many great thinkers dating back to Aristotle say that it is essential for our consciousness. The Florentine priest and philosopher Marsilio Ficino said back in the 15th century that melancholy was not something to be avoided; on the contrary, we should seek it out, embrace it, dive into its deepest abyss. It is only when we feel melancholy that we are truly alive, awake and aware. It is the correct response of a conscious entity to life. If we learn to accept and integrate it, it can even give us a kind of bittersweet joy. It is the source of genius, the only way to reach wisdom. Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmUNJcq02pg. All great thinkers, especially in the arts and humanities, suffer long and overwhelming attacks of melancholy. This not only contradicts the aforementioned mechanical reductionism of human nature theory, but a lot of modern self-help, New Age and pop spiritual culture. These ideas permeate such places as Glastonbury, the Brahma Kumaris centre and the Findhorn community; but even when I dabbled in that world myself, see: https://hpanwo-tv.blogspot.com/2012/10/new-age.html, I could sense something was wrong with it. Such practices often emphasize bland happiness and nothing else. They often claim, like the mindbenders, that if you feel sad about something you've lost the plot and you should force yourself away from that sensation. The methods for this are varied; meditation, wearing white clothes, crystals, rituals etc. I'm afraid I've come to regard this as fake spirituality. Endless and mindless contentment is actually very simplistic; it is a denial of humanity and self. To be genuinely spiritual is actually not a pleasant thing. It can be extraordinarily painful. Spiritual people experience all the anguish of the world as well as its joys. Truly spiritual people do not sit in circles making weird noises, we don't have time. We are too busy crying over whaling videos and news stories about famine. There's a German word for the pursuit of melancholy, Ruinenlust. German is a notoriously difficult language to translate into English, but it basically means a desire for experiencing the ruination of the universe. Modernity has no time for any kind of deep thought. Even airline cabin crew, call centre staff and retailers are taught how to smile, modulate their voice and keep up the perfect Stepford wife, or husband, poise. Modernity wants to rip out our soul. Don't let it! Whether you are a HP or not, let the melancholy flow through you!
See here for more information: https://hpanwo.blogspot.com/2008/01/bhutan-happiest-country-in-world.html.