"How dare you!?"

 

One of the most upsetting experiences I had in hospital portering, at least regarding my relationships with civilian staff, took place in 1989, just about a year after I started. One of the midwifery sisters on Delivery Suite, whom I'll call Sharon, was quite an old lady not far off retirement. She usually came across as a very sweet and charming person, but I found out that in some circumstances she showed a different facet of her personality. One day, on an evening shift, I politely raised a concern with her which she dismissed out of hand. This was during a non-elective caesarean section, not a dire emergency though. When she was out of the theatre I went up to her and asked her again; and she yelled at me: "How dare you speak to the sister in charge of theatre like that! How dare you!? If you say one more word I'll take it up with Mervin!... You are a porter and your job is to do as you are told!" Mervin was the name of the head porter at the time. I was struck dumb. I had not "spoken to her" like anything. I had been calm and polite. I tried to make this point and she replied: "There's nothing more to be said on the matter!" I walked off. I was a nineteen year old porter at the time who had only recently joined the DS section. This experience upset me profoundly. Even now, after over thirty years, I find it very painful to remember and describe. To this very day when I hear the phrase How dare you! it rankles badly. I don't think I'll ever completely recover from that feeling. Sharon was an elderly midwife who had been in the profession her since she was young; she was a nurse as well and had qualified long before direct entry courses, with all the feminist propaganda associated with them. Yet she had been extremely dishonest and abusive. She had used portering's lower status to put me down; and she had openly lied and threatened to tell lies to my manager about me. She did this in earshot of all the other staff. This was my introduction to how disgusting other people can be in the hospital community. I'd like to say this was my only ordeal along those lines, but it definitely was not. However, this was certainly the first and the worst. I was far more cautious after that. Sharon never apologized to me or ever referred to this conversation again; she even went back to being all cute and nice. I never trusted her again though knowing she was so twofaced. I also know very well that behaviour like that is not confined to hospitals. I recall an incident about five years before that one when a teacher at my school did something similar. I should have left DS at that point, but I foolishly hung on for another nine years. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and that's true; but it also wears down your soul. I've had to resist the temptation to become nihilistic and misanthropic; I'm helped by the fact that along with all the horrid old bags like her, I've served alongside many wonderful individuals too. I lost touch with Sharon when she retired and she is probably dead now. I just needed to tell the story of one of my darkest days in HPing; I've never told it before.
See here for background: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2022/02/delivery-suite.html.