Marc Almond was NOT a HP

 

I've been working on my hospital porters "hall of fame" over the years and I'm always looking for new names to add to it. Sometimes an individual's service is rumoured or unconfirmed so in that case I tend to hold back from publication until I'm certain. I'd hate to commit the worst kind of third party stolen valour, see: https://hpanwo-hpwa.blogspot.com/2021/12/mick-jaggers-service-confirmed.html. I have long been repeating the rumour that Marc Almond used to be a HP. This refers to the famous musician from the days of New Wave synth-pop. He was one half of the duo act Soft Cell and they had many great hits including timeless classics like Torch and Tainted Love. Unlike his fellow rock star Mick Jagger, I have found no evidence that Marc ever served as a HP. His most accurate biographies say he trained in art, drama and music from childhood and after school graduated from Southport College and then Leeds Polytechnic. It was at the latter that he met David Ball in 1977 and founded Soft Cell. He did some acting in his youth and starred in a few plays, but apart from that, music has been his only profession. I think the story of Marc being a HP comes from another urban myth that is truly revolting. He was supposedly admitted to hospital once and had to have his stomach pumped because it was engorged with semen after he had performed oral sex continuously at an orgy upon hundreds of men. This is false. It is actually a copycat jibe that has been spread about a number of other musical celebrities for many decades. Other targets of this joke are Rod Stewart, Elton John, Britney Spears, Jon Bon Jovi and even that real HP Mick Jagger. If you come across this rumour again, know that it is untrue. It's actually not possible physically. Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/rock-star-stomach-pump/. So both rumours about Marc Almond are untrue. He was neither a hospital patient, with that affliction, nor a porter.