Telephone Dignity Statements

 

This kind of dignity statement is a variation of third party one, see background links below, but it is actually much easier because your stooge is not present. The way to carry out this dignity statement is purely opportunistic; it's not really possible to plan it beforehand. Also not all porters have the role where they are in the right position because they don't often talk on the telephone in front of civilian staff. Primarily it's the providence of the departmental porter rather than somebody from the lodge. If you happen to take a phone call or make one in a public place, for instance at a nurses station, and somebody happens to turn up who would make an appropriate dignity statement target; then if it feels right, as always, this is what you do. During the conversation on the phone, slip in words like: "Yes, but we are porters with a lot of porters' pride and dignity which nobody can take away from us. A lot of them try, but they fail and it drives them nuts..." As with the dignity statement where your stooge is present, do not look at your target. Only ever keep your gaze in the position you normally do when addressing somebody on the phone. If the call is a video communication, keep your eyes on the stooge where his or her image appears on the monitor screen. Even after the stooge has ended the call and you have not yet made a dignity statement; if you are holding the receiver and those around you don't know the call is over, you can pretend you are still on the call and deliver the dignity statement followed by: "...Anyway. Thanks for the call. Bye bye." and put down the phone. ("Stooge" is a term I use for the third party in a third party dignity statement.) After your call is over, act normally. Return to your normal duties by walking away, keeping your eyes averted from your target. If you are lucky you might catch his or her richly-deserved wince of humiliation in your peripheral vision.
See here for background: https://hpanwo-tv.blogspot.com/2013/07/physical-dignity-statements.html.
And: https://hpanwo-radio.blogspot.com/2020/08/the-gas-spanner-programme-2.html.